Proper Paranoia: a story of the second war
by Deuslogos
Summary: When the Dark Lord fell everyone rallied in praise of the Boy Who Lived, and rightly so, but Harry Potter was not the only one to fight the Good Fight and the resistance did more than pirate radio waves.  OC Takes place during Deathly Hallows Ch.2 Up!
1. This is how the world ends

_**Proper Paranoia**_

Ch1: This is how the world ends

I slept through the end of the Wizarding World, hell I went to work the next day. Walking in to the men's room stalls that were secretly the passage into the Ministry Great Hall it looked like the start of a normal week, or as normal a work week as you can get when you get flushed to work every day. The line was as long as usual and the incandescent lights were particularly harsh to my still slightly hung over brain, Id been drinking the night before and I had yet to take the potion that would help, said potion being the scotch I kept in a flask hidden in the folds of my robe. I took a quick look at myself in the bathroom mirror making sure I didn't look too bad, as a department head should always look professional. The work robe hid my slightly rounded frame rather well and were it not for the somewhat sunken quality to my eyes and the fact that my cheeks were slightly more flushed then usual it might have even made me look good. I had at least managed to get my usually messy and long black hair cut before the drinking started so combing it wasn't so hard with a pounding headache, _Dear Lord_ I'd thought to my self as I entered the stall _Get yourself together man you've been drinking since Moody's funeral it's got to stop sometime_ on mounting the toilet I took a swig from my flask as a response to that line of thinking. _Yea take that my superego_ I thought as the gentle burn of the amber liquid began to quell my headache _your out voted_ and I pulled the flush chord.

The Ministry of Magic headquarters, the vast underground complex where the magical people of the United Kingdom were governed with varying degrees of competence, yawned before me in the usual grandeur and I sighed as I carefully hid my flask again. I'm Johnathan Faustus in case your wondering, head of the Department of Magical Engineering and Enchanting at the Ministry of Magic, which is an overblown way of saying I'm basically the head of this place's Magical IT department. That's right I'm a great big magical nerd, in fact I'm the Alpha great big magical nerd in these parts. Me and a team of about 20 other wizards keep this place running and keep it's employees updated with the latest magical tech, basically we're Niven's Corollary in action. As I began walking toward my office I was inundated with the usual swarm of papers flying towards me, complaints and suggestions mostly, as usual, a notice that one of my team leaders was out with something called "the hurumps" from St. Mundungo's, and a notice that there would be a general conference in 5 minutes in front of the new fountain. _That's strange_ I mused to myself as I made my way over _I hadn't even realized they'd replaced the old one_... looking down I noticed that the memo was signed **By Order of Pius Thicknesse** **Minister of Magic**. "the hell?" I mumbled, my scotch soaked brain taking a minute to process that information, _The only way Scrimgeour stops being minister at such short notice is if he..._ I spat out an acid curse and stopped in my tracks. The Minister was dead, and I found it kind of unlikely that it was from a heart attack. I started to whip my half drunk half hungover brain into gear, the minister was dead, but the ministry was still functioning, hell looking around I couldn't see any sign of struggle and I knew the Minister, Rufus would go down in a big bloody mess. So it was done quietly, but what did You Know Who gain from the death of the Minister? Well confusion I suppose, scare your enemy, let them know that no one is safe. Yes that seemed likely, but then wouldn't you want a big show of it, do something like hang his body from Big Ben of mail his head to the Daily Prophet unless... During my revery I had started walking again and heard the speech coming from the head of a large gathering near the new fountain "And you should all know that my new branch of law enforcement will look into the activities surrounding the late Minister's death and those involved will be questioned and brought to justice". Uh oh, new branch of law enforcement does not sound good, I peaked over the crowd and saw the new Minister in his tailored robe and trimmed beard beaming into the crowd, he was flanked by a big burly looking man I recognized by reputation as Yaxely, and a short stout toad looking woman with curly blonde hair and flat nose decked out in a pink cardigan beaming out at the crowd. I narrowed my eyes upon seeing her, Dolores Umbridge and I had never been friends, in fact it's safe to say that the Fascist bitch and I hated each other, and her up there next to Yaxely, a fellow who my pickled brain just remembered was a suspected death eater could only mean... I got a look at the Minister again and saw a somewhat glazed passive look too his eyes. _Crap _I thought, finally putting the pieces together, I had been thinking too short term "you clever bastard" I murmured to myself, If Voldemort had gotten to the Minister of Magic of course he wouldn't just kill him and put his head on a pike, not when he could just as easily put a proxy in his place. The Dark Lord had essentially just taken over the Ministry I realized, crestfallen, and that meant things were... about to get a lot worse. I refused to entertain the thought of loss, that would get me nowhere, I just needed to figure out a next step. As I was scanning the area I caught Umbridge looking in my direction, _Double Crap, _I turned around and tried to make my way to the closest Floo Grate but I noticed a couple of spiffy looking fellows making there way towards me, flashing badges and smiling politely, _Triple Crap_.

An old peg legged one eyed curmudgeon of a man once told me over a barrel of aged whiskey "Constant Vigilance, remember that and you'll live forever". It was the first of many lessons the sour old cuss taught me over the years and I took it to heart. Another one was "Always enter an area assuming your going to have to escape" and I silently praised the old bastard's sainted memory for his common sense as I grabbed the two glass orbs for the inside of my robe and slowly brought them out. I waited for the black shirts to get close to me, held up my hands as if in supplication, and smashed the little balls on to the ground in front of me, causing the area to fill with red smoke for five feet up and across. I was unaffected but the flunkies suddenly forgot where they were and what they were doing. "STOP HIM!' shrilled a voice behind me as I made my way to the slowly closing floo grates. One got in front of me but I grabbed my wand (Ash 14 inches with a dragon heartstring core in case your wondering) and layed him out with a shout of "Stupify!" I then pointed at one of the lowering grates and shouted "Geolevitas!" and a thick pillar of rock stopped it from lowering all the way, I jumped in to the fireplace and aparated the hell out of there feeling way too vindicated.

{A/N: Hello all, I'm a long time fan fiction reader but this is the first fic I've written I actually liked enough to publish and I hope you like it as much as I is hopefully the first chapter to a longer story so reviews and constructive criticism are both welcomed and encouraged! Hopefully this should update once a week if all goes well!}


	2. An end to safe places

**Ch. 2: An end to safe places**

I apparated into the hallway of the small apartment complex that had been my home for the last 5 years, It was nothing much, just a small 2 bedroom 1 bath flat, kind of dingy, but it was mine. It was also warded up the wazoo, with enchantments of lightning and disguise meant to keep it uninteresting and fry anyone too interested. On top of all that I'd made it impossible to apparate into while the wards were up which, take my word on it, is a pain in the ass to put together. I swept my gaze right to left and back to make sure no one was looking then I took out my wand and tapped it on to the little crystal I'd had embedded where the peep hole should be, causing it to emit a low tone on the same frequency as the magic that ran my wards and brought them down temporarily.

I walked in and looked around glumly; I had a sad feeling that this would be the last time I'd ever see the place and that bummed me out. The adrenalin high from the escape was starting to where out and all I wanted to do was sink into my ugly but comfortable second hand couch and watch TV or listen to one of my records, instead I ran into my small room and grabbed the olive drab messenger bag from out of my closet _Always have a go bag_ I could hear Mad Eye saying _You never know when you're going to have to leave in a hurry_. My Go bag was enchanted with a bottomless charm and had quite a bit of stuff in it, enough to keep me self-sufficient for a while if I had to go on the run, which made leaving a whole lot easier. Then I ran into the room that acted as my little office for when I have to bring work home and with a quick unsnapping of clasps and a swish of my wand all my equipment flew into the bag. Just tossing them in would likely mess them up and it would take me hours to re calibrate them, but I didn't exactly have time to pack them up properly and the last thing I needed was for the muggle police to find them and think I was some sort of bomb maker or something. With that all done I took a small metal sphere from my bag and placed it in the middle of my living room, twisting the top and bottom halves till I heard a click "Five minutes" I whispered into it and it began to tick like a clock counting down. All that took me at most ten minutes, if that, and I was confident I had made my escape, so naturally when I closed my eyes and performed the effort of magic that allowed me to apparate nothing happened.

"Going somewhere?" Came a high pitched cheery voice from behind me. I spun around to find Dolores Umbridge standing primly in the little alcove that served as my kitchen, her wand pointed at my nose. "It's over Faustus put your hands where I can see them" I did, raising them above my head palms pointed out. "Good, _Accio __Wand__, _now just stand there, my people are on their way here to collect you for registration". I had to keep myself from actually screaming in frustration at the little toad, she has about the worst timing. "Registration?" I asked, sounding much calmer then I felt and trying hard not to look behind me at the device I'd just placed and praying that she hadn't noticed it. The little sphere packed a hell of a wallop, magically speaking, I called it an Oblivion Bomb and it was another idea of Mad Eye's. Basically when it went off it would bathe the area in an obliviate spell that would erase me from the memories of everyone within a mile radius and a disenchantment that would safely dispurse all my wards and any other traces of magical energy, effectively covering my tracks and making me almost impossible to trace. It was set to go off in five… shit four… minutes and I shuddered to think of what it would do to me if I was around when it did, it may do nothing or it may leave me a gibbering wreck on the floor with no sense of self and honestly I'd rather not take the chance and end up sharing a room with Gilderoy Lockhart at St. Mungos. I had to get the fuck out of here and soon, luckily I had at least something resembling a plan, I just had to keep her talking.

"Yes, registration" she said, unable to keep a bit of a giggle out of her voice "You see the new Minister has a much more realistic view on allowing the mudbloods powers they have no birthright to and do not deserve, and as per my recommendation is detaining you all and removing your wands and attempting to return them to their proper owners." I quirked and eyebrow at her "Their proper owners?" I asked "As in… what you're returning them to Olivander? You do realize that wands don't work like that right? They choose and owner and stick with them, it's not the kind of thing you can regift." This time she really did laugh, a frankly disturbing sickly sweet sound that sounds eerily like the far off crying of children, "My dear fool, why would a wand work for someone tainted with the blood of the inferior? If you are using magic with such impure blood running through your veins you must have stolen the magic from somewhere!" I couldn't help it, I laughed and the sound came out mocking and honestly somewhat mad. "You do realize how insane that sounds don't you?" I asked, laughing so hard I actually had to lean against the counter for a second for support. "It goes against common logic, common knowledge for that matter, how can you expect something like that to work" instead of answering Umbridge shouted "_Crucio!_" and the entire world went white with pain.

How can I describe being hit by the cruciatus curse? It's not just physical pain, you can endure physical pain, this isn't anything you can endure or shrug off. The cruciatus curse doesn't hit you so much as it… asserts itself on you, as though not only were you in pain but you always were in pain, and you would always be in pain. Imagine the worst pain of your life, now imagine the first moment of that pain, the moment it is at it's worst and you are almost irrationally terrified it will never go away. Now imagine that moment, but extended indefinitely and that is the closest I could ever come to describing being under that curse. The pain felt like it went on for hours but it couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds before she let up, leaving me gasping in agony. "That is how, you fool" she said, her words almost choked with glee, "Don't you understand, we are the _Ministry of Magic_! We _ARE_ the common knowledge, they will believe whatever we tell them to believe, and because we told them to believe it. We own the papers and schools don't you understand? Tomorrow we will tell the people that the last round of attacks had been perpetrated by Muggle born separatists, and we will blame any pro muggle legislation on the separatists infiltrating the Government! And the papers! We will tell them that it is in fact the mudbloods who have been controlling them, and subverting them! By next week we'll be having wizards turning in their neighbors left and right, and the best part? They'll feel freer for doing it!" By this point she was actually cackling, a crazed glint in her eye. "You see boy right now we are just collecting the muggle borns, but soon it will be anyone with any taint to their blood!" "but…" I gasped, still in quite a bit of pain, "my father was a… oof!" I was cut short by a swift kick to the ribs by Umbridge " Yes a stroke of bad luck for you, you could have had a little more time as a free man were you not so… highly placed" she spat out those last to words with distaste, as though the very idea was repulsive to her, "but honestly, you don't think the minister could let the son of a muggle be the head of one of his departments could you? Especially the son of an American whore!"

She aimed another kick at me but this time I caught her foot and rolled to the side "What are you doing!" she screeched "_Cruci__-"_ I didn't give her a chance to finish, I smashed one of the little smoke bombs I'd palmed off of my counter as I'd been laughing. She fell over, coughing harshly as the smoke filled her lungs. I quickly sprang up and kicked the wand from her hand "Nobody!" I hissed, grabbing my wand from her waist band and giving a kick of my own "Talks about my mother! _Stupify!_" and she was out. I groaned, the pain setting in again as the adrenalin started to where off, I grabbed my bag and tried to Aparate again, no luck the damn apartment complex was still locked down. _Ok_ I thought to myself as the smoke began to fill my apartment _cant apparate, can't stay here that bombs gonna go off any minute, I guess I'm gonna have to risk going out!_ I ran for the door and found it unlocked, I barreled it open and sprinted for the stairs. As I hit the door I heard a small concussion behind me, looks like the bomb's gone off got to make this quick! I barreled down the stairs and hit the lobby, sprinted out the door just in time to see two dark cloaked figures apparate across the street from me. One of them saw me and pointed his wand, _Shit_ I thought _Now or Never!_ And I tried again, this time it worked and for the second time today I apparated out of a war zone.

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><p>AN Greetings fair readers! If there are any of you left! So yea the whole update once a week thing was, obviously, a gross over estimation on my part. Alas finals week and me losing my job gave me little time to write anything, and Christmas and post Christmas craziness didn't help. But enough with excuses, I'll be updating more frequently now that I'm back on my feet and I have a definite direction I want to take this story, and I have a number of great adventures for you to read if you will all stick with me! For now here's the next chapter and Here's to many more to come! As ever please read and review constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged!


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